A New Day

In my attic are boxes full of journals. For years upon years I wrote down thoughts, feelings, dreams, questions, life. Then along came kids and ministry and somewhere that got lost. However, I love to write and so I've decided that since I am beginning this journey of my sabbatical today, I would begin journaling again. This time I won't use a notebook or pen - I'll try to be more culturally relevant and share my journeys with anyone who is interested. I want this sabbatical time to have a purpose. I know that God has great things in store for me. I plan to pay attention to His echoes and His whispers. I hope to not get caught up in life but to take time to be in His presence. Hopefully keeping track of it all will guide me to that end.

A song came to me last night as I eased into the evening of my last day. I had heard it before, but last night realized the searching of the song mimics the searching of my heart.

What Do I Know of Holy?
Addison Road

I made You promises a thousand times
I tried to hear from Heaven
But I talked the whole time
I think I made You too small
I never feared You at all No
If You touched my face would I know You?
Looked into my eyes could I behold You?

What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were mighty to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees

What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?
And a God who gave life "its" name?
What do I know of Holy?
Of the One who the angels praise?
All creation knows Your name
On earth and heaven above
What do I know of this love?


What do I know of Holy? For seven years I've been living and breathing God - sharing Him, teaching of Him, following Him, questioning Him. But what do I know?

I begin this two month journey with a seeking heart and with an expectant longing.

I seek God's Will. I seek His love and grace. I seek to reconnect and rediscover Jesus and learn more about who He is. Truthfully, I've become cynical and jaded lately. I've been slapped in the face by the feeling that some Christians just aren't nice. I wonder how some people can be worshiping the same God, following the same Jesus and reading the same Bible. Do have it wrong? Have I missed some important detail that makes my Jesus so different from the Jesus that others follow? Did I get a different version of the Bible?

I long to recapture that love and passion I once felt for my church and my calling. I know that I love my church and I love my job, but sometimes all the small stuff gets in the way of the big picture. I long for God's perspective to win out over fear and doubt. I know He sees the big picture and long to catch a glimpse of it, too. For I know: God is faithful. God is faithful. God is faithful.

And so I begin.