Wednesday, July 21, 2010

A Day Off

I'm taking today off. If my memory serves me correctly, it has been 17 days since I last took a day off. The past 17 days have probably been the longest and hardest I've had in a very long while. And although I'm not at work, I can't seem to get my mind off of work. So here I sit - ready to blog for the first time in months - hoping to clear my mind a little.

The past 10 days have gone something like this: plane crash, VBS x 5, VBS tear down, wedding, funeral, worship service/baptism, funeral, funeral.

I am tired. I need some normal to come back into my life. But in the same breath in which that sentence escapes, guilt creeps in. I get to go back to normal - Jill, Donna and Pam will never know the same normal again.

I know that God can use all things for good. I am certain this will be no different. I'm just not sure when the good will come.

There is so much that I don't understand, I can't understand, I'll never understand. I don't understand why planes crash and good people loose husbands, fathers, brothers and friends. I don't understand how life can change so drastically in the course of one day. I don't understand why I hold onto feelings of bitterness that I can't seem to let go of. I don't understand why those feelings show up at unexpected times. I don't understand how there can be so many different "brands" of Jesus and so many different interpretations of the Bible. I don't understand how people keep going with such dignity and grace after such tragedy. I don't understand what I'm supposed to say or do now. I don't understand how I haven't learned to keep my mouth shut by now.

What echoes through all of this not understanding ... is that God understands. His ways are higher, His thoughts are greater. I have hope that someday when I come face to face with my Maker, that my perspective will be broadened and all that I question will be answered. It's okay that I don't understand everything and it's a great lesson in humility to not have all the answers.
I'm not God ... and that's one answer I'm good with. Faith is a life-long journey of growth - and through doubt, joy, trials, pain, enlightenment - with each step we get a little closer in pursuit of God. I pray that God keeps me thirsty, even when it hurts sometimes.

And when it hurts - the body of Christ is most evident. I have not quite been able to wrap my mind around how we went from VBS, to a wedding, to a funeral, to a baptism, to a funeral in our Sanctuary in the course of four days. Such extreme emotions. Such life and such absence of life. But what a beautiful picture it painted of the circle of life and the Body of Christ. Because through it all, the Body of Christ came together in community. The Body stepped up as I've never seen before. This community of believers came together to praise, to serve, to mourn, to celebrate, to sing, to cry, to laugh. The Body put aside any self-need to support and strengthen others in whatever way they could. Even strangers prayed, cooked, cleaned, and were present to help in whatever way possible. That is Church. I'm so proud to be a part of something bigger than all of our differences.

Life is so short. Life is so precious. Why do we spend so much time wrapped up in our own individualistic worldviews? Life is a gift - love while you can.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind. And love your neighbor as yourself. Who is your neighbor? Look around. Each person you see is your neighbor - and we are called to love. That's so hard - and I don't understand how to do it perfectly - but I'll keep trying.

You know why?

"When my last breath brings me to the feet of God,
I want to hear Him say I lived for His glory.

We are His story, we are His song -
a beautiful melody that shows the world His love.

When we're on this journey, when we're on this road -
we are apart of the greatest story ever told."
-Addison Road

I had a glimpse of holy this week...and it was you.